still wondering: thoughtful insights & insightful thoughts

Adjusting to graduate school is a peculiar move. There is less hand-holding then there was with the high school-to-college move. There are higher expectations with, arguably, fewer safety nets, and rightfully so; its serious, now, and everything about the experience is reflecting as such.

Enter adaptation: It is nothing short of refreshing to realize that raw anxiety can be fostered and churned into driven, focused productivity. I can’t remember the last time I felt this passionately about learning. Some classes in undergrad were more enjoyable (or less painful, rather) than others, but never before have I appreciated the actual, full scope of studying subject matter. Law is intrinsically dynamic. Everything is open to interpretation. Everything on the menu is available for consumption and for digestion. “It is this very flexibility of interpretation…that provides the opportunity for advocacy” (Linda Edwards.) Maybe for that reason alone it lends itself to the kind of unique consideration that almost forces me to be so eagerly appreciative.

Sometimes I feel like Dick York’s character in the Twilight Zone episode, “A Penny for Your Thoughts.” York plays a businessman who is granted a mind-reading power after he tosses a coin that lands on its side. Eventually the coin is knocked over and the businessman’s mind-reading ability fades, for better or for worse. How many times have you felt suddenly empowered, enough that there is something consciously out of character to note? It feels great to notice your own improvement, even if you’re not entirely certain of how it came about.

Enter self-discovery: I’m hoping to keep my coin on its side for as long as possible. I imagine it’ll teeter and sway, but I rather avoid a collapse for at least the next three years.